Thursday, March 4, 2010


"Love is like playing the piano. First you learn the keys, then you learn the rules. Then you leave the rules and play by what's in your heart."

You know how magazines always have advice and tips on relationships, sex, love, yada yada ya. Well I feel this quote, I'm not sure who it's from, sums up more accurately; love, relationships, sex, etc.

That's the sucky part right cause it would be so much easier if you knew the rules, but unfuckingfortunately there are no rules. Another thing that bothers me about this quote is, how exactly do you know what's in your heart? And if by some chance you do, how do you know it's pure and not something that the media, religion and all other societal bullshit rattled into your brain.
What if love is just a big overblown concept that's brainwashed us all into thinking its the key to solving all problems. It's the lack of rules and order in love that make the whole thing seem mysterious and force people to lean on it like a religion. When something is unexplainable and unable to really define in one simple way I guess it confuses people and they just surrender to it like it's some force above our control. To be truly honest, as much as I love being in love and listening to all these songs that tell you all you need is love. I hate it at the same time because its just way too unstable, unreliable, frustrating and confusing.
Relationships are just too hard. That is the truth and the reason for my nonsense rant. Some days I feel like I'd be better off solo, but then other days I realize that life would be so lonely. It makes me wonder if I'm bipolar. Of course people always tell you that relationships take work and it will not always be easy, but I just don't understand how people have that kind of patience. The feel like the only way that I could be that patient is if I were dead or in a coma.
Anyways, I'm in that stage of the relationship where the physical attachment has died down. The passion, mystery and adventure has gone down the drain. Basically, sex is boring. This is not the only problem of course, but it really doesn't help. I know I heard on a lecture on TV that in the beginning of a relationship, your body releases a chemical called dopamine that is somehow tied with new love and sex, which gradually runs out. Then there's another chemical that kicks in later on called oxytocin which is tied to warm affectionate feelings. I guess the oxytocin keeps on running thru our bodies indefinitely and we should learn to embrace the oxytocin and leave the dopamine behind. BUT!!...who wants to leave the dopamine?!?! What if I want more than just warm fuzzy feelings. It really makes me wonder if humans are just not meant to be in monogamous relationships.
Isn't it sad how as you get older and your relationships get more serious, all the fun stuff has to go out the window! I guess our ideas on what is fun change as we get older too...
It's 5 am and I'm worried I'm not making any sense now, but the point of my entry is not just about sex, even tho it was a big bulk of what I had to talk about. What happens when you get to a point where you feel like things will drift away and instead of trying to fix it, you spend all your time debating whether its worth fixing. I know I'm really pessimistic, restless and that bipolar theory may be true so it may just be the stress talking, but I really worry about how things will end up.
It all depends on my attitude. I know. I just wish there were ways to help my attitude
Hopefully next entry will be more positive, but I really just had to rant this time.
Good Night!